


Fancy Pants Vs. Man Ape Gone Wrong Thing

by Ladytalon



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-08
Updated: 2010-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon's had enough of Jayne's teasing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fancy Pants Vs. Man Ape Gone Wrong Thing

  
  
  
**Title:** Fancy Pants Vs. Man Ape Gone Wrong Thing  
**Author:** [](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/profile)[**ladytalon1**](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/)  
**Fandom:** Firefly  
**Characters:** Jayne, Simon, Mal, Zoë, hints at Jayne/Simon  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not making any $$  
**Summary:** Simon's had enough of Jayne's teasing.  
**Prompt:** [](http://community.livejournal.com/10_cracks/profile)[**10_cracks**](http://community.livejournal.com/10_cracks/) prompt table A, prompt 10:  
Forced marriage with a minor character, in order to keep up appearances on a job.  
**Word Count:** 526

_   
**Fancy Pants Vs. Man Ape Gone Wrong Thing**   
_

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"I have to do _what? _" Simon repeated incredulously.

Mal rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying hard not to glance over at the look on Jayne's face. "You've just got to pretend that you're married."

"To _Monty_," Jayne put in with a guffaw. "Never woulda figured you for the type, Doc."

"Type of what, exactly?" Simon asked stiffly.

"Type'a man who'd go for moustache ri-"

Kaylee interrupted sharply. "_Jayne!_" She turned her eyes on the uncomfortable physician and gave him a comforting pat. "Don't fret, Simon. We love Monty, remember?" Jayne let out a bellow of laughter and she gave the big mercenary an irritated push. "Go lift your weights an' quit bein' mean," she scolded.

Zoë shook her head as Jayne sauntered off, then turned to Simon. "Man's just upset 'bout not being pretty enough to have the job his own self."

Simon glared. "Thanks…. I think."

"Be the easiest thing you've ever done," Mal offered. "We make landfall, you pretend you're with Monty… and we get the job done while everyone else's too busy gawking to notice they're bein' robbed."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Simon narrowed his eyes at the captain suspiciously. "And why, exactly, would they be gawking?"

Zoë coughed. "Seems one of you'll have to be wearin' a dress."

"You'd better make sure to find something in Monty's size, then," Simon said darkly.

Jayne's hoot of "A _dress! _" floated over to them.

"Now, Zoë, why is it that I can be givin' orders all day and he won't hear 'em but this happens and Jayne's suddenly got ears like… somethin' that can hear real good?" Mal asked.

The man in question came back over under the pretense of looking for his workout towel. "Betcha the doc gets all flustered an' fucks the whole gorram job," Jayne snickered.

Simon focused on him, tired of all the teasing and determined to put an end to it. "A bet? What will you bet that I can't do it?" Jayne had been tormenting him ever since the day he came aboard with River.

"Whatever you want," the big man leered unpleasantly. "I'm gonna be winnin' no matter what."

The doctor's lips curved slightly. "I agree. If I lose, I will buy you a case of your favorite sake. And I swear that I'll never again impugn your intelligence."

Jayne scratched under one arm idly. "Never prune? That don't make sense. An' I want at least two cases."

"But if I win… not only do you stop your uncouth comments towards my sister and I, but you have to wear a dress for a week."

"A dress? What the _di yu_-"

"The same dress that I'll apparently be forced to wear."

"But, a dress-"

"Every day for a _week_," Simon insisted.

Jayne frowned, then began to smile. "Hell, I'm gonna win anyway. Why not? Got yourself a ruttin' _deal,_ Fancy Pants."

  
No one was more surprised than Jayne Cobb when Simon proved to be the most convincing Cortex-order bride anyone on Serenity had ever seen… and even Wash had to admit that the strapless taffeta gown brought out the color of Jayne's eyes quite nicely.

~_fin_~  
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